Life is an interesting little thing. It's always evolving, changing. Sometimes the changes are necessary, sometimes they aren't. Sometimes change is for the better, and sometimes it is not. A lot has changed in my life in the past few months. And I've been handling it as best I can. But sometimes, it's all just a bit too much.
This biggest change that has effected not just me but my entire family is the move from the place we called home for over twelve years. Since my Dad passed in 2011, my Mom has fought to keep the house that was filled with his belongings and all the memories we had of him. But in March, she lost that fight and we were forced to leave our home. We had to leave so many things behind, things that weren't things. We had to leave the image of my father sitting in his big chair watching TV and cooking in the kitchen. We had to leave behind all of the models that he built with his father when h was younger because there is no room in our new place to put them. So many things that I grew up talking to him about and learning about just left behind. I can't picture my Dad in this house. I can't see him sitting on the couch in our new place watching TV or sitting at the computer deck in the place where a kitchen table should be playing Farmville on Facebook.
I try to keep it to myself, my hatred of this new house, of this new life. But sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I just wanna tell my Mom that I wanna leave, that I wanna go back. But we can't. I can't. A few weeks after the move was completed, I drove by my home and there was a sign on the door and a tarp covering half the roof. And all the things we had to leave in the yard were gone. Things that belonged to my Dad, things we had to leave behind. And now, I can't even stand to think about what they've done to my home. I can't drive down that road, I don't wanna see someone else's cars in the driveway or think about what color they painted my room to cover up the waves my Dad hand painted on the walls. I don't wanna see some other little girl running around my yard, creating her own memories. I don't wanna see another family in my family's home.
I have two weeks before I move into my apartment near school with my friend and I honestly have never been more excited to leave "home".
