Wanna Know Something Totally Cool?

Victor and Vincent played this song for me the other night. I had stopped by to hang out. They performed a few other songs for me other than this one, but since I really like this song so much, they gave me a little treat.  :)



Hanging out with the guys was a lot of fun. They're currently working on album number three (not sure of a release date) but can say that the guys are really excited about it, as am I.

Problem: Trouble sleeping////Solution: Writing!

I'm supposed to be sleeping, but I can't. So, I decided to get up to write....

Earlier yesterday, before I went to work, I was online browsing when my former best friend, Carrie, popped into my mind. 
Carrie and I met back in high school. She was a freshman, I was a junior. We had a class together (typing) and I remember one day we started talking. One Friday afternoon, I passed her a note, asking her if she had seen a movie I had been wanting to see. Of course I don't remember the movie, but she wrote back and said it was good and that I should indeed watch it. 
Ever since then, her and I hung out when we could. I don't recall having lunch at the same time, but in typing class, she changed seats so we could sit next to each other. We exchanged phone numbers at some point, and it wasn't long afterwards her and I became best buds. 
My high school years were mostly full of constant bullying and ridicule, but by junior year, some of it had ceased, but not all. I was still bullied in a few of my classes. But by this time I had gotten so used to it; it just became a way of life for me to have to accept. 
Having Carrie in my life did help though. In typing class we passed notes, cut up and shared some laughs. Typing was my last class of the day that semester, so knowing she would be there helped give me something good to look forward to. 
That school year rolled on into the next. I was a senior, she was a sophomore. We still hung out all the time. We didn't have any classes together, but we still hung out before and after school. There were a few other friends I gained during this time, so that also had a positive impact on my senior year by making it more bearable. 
In time I had graduated and moved on from the halls of Lake Dallas High School. Carrie and I spent time together the summer after I graduated. When school started again a few months later, I found myself missing dearly, what I thought at the time was school. But now I know it wasn't school I missed; it was Carrie and my other friends. I found myself visiting the school a lot. A few times I had picked her up and given her a ride home after I got off work. Sometimes we'd go grab a bite to eat, or hang out. 
As things go sometimes, she acquired a boyfriend at school. He lived in her neighborhood, a few streets over. They had hung out at a mutual friends house one Saturday night, thus setting the stage for the blossoming of their relationship. 
Yes, I was upset. I did get jealous. Not only because she had found someone (Lord knew I couldn't) but mainly because she had put me on the back burner. He was all her life, her world, seemed to center around. 
As time went on, we ended up completely losing touch with each other. After painstakingly trying time after time to get her to spend time with me without success, I eventually gave up. It was obvious she didn't want to spend time with me. 
The last time I saw Carrie was sometime in 1998 or 1999. We had ran into each other at the grocery store. She was still with her man. 
The last time I spoke to her was in 2003, while Brandon and I were living in Houston. I remembered her parents' phone number, and thought I'd call them one night to see if they could help me get in touch with her. Her parents adored me, and felt I was a good influence on her. So I wasn't nervous about calling them. I'm sure you can imagine my surprise when she answered the phone. Her and her boyfriend were living with them at the time, so I lucked out. 
However, back in the spring of 2010 I wasn't so lucky when I tried to find her on Facebook. After having tried numerous times without any luck, I contacted her boyfriend, David on Facebook. He regretted to have to tell me that Carrie had passed away back in December of 2006. She had suffered a heart attack brought on by a blood clot caused by her birth control pills. She was only 28 years old. 
After he told me that, I cried. I cried for several days after hearing this dreadful news, because I hadn't spoken to her in several years. Everyone seemed to have a Facebook at the time, but not her. I figured it was something she wouldn't be interested in, because she was introverted like me. I had no idea her death would be the reason. 
Carrie Mullinix was a good friend, trustworthy confidant, and a wonderful writer. Her boyfriend had a novella of hers published after she had died. I haven't purchased a copy yet, but I will soon. This way, I'll always have a piece of her with me, forever on a book shelf.
Grief will always be a constant theme.

The Cardigans: Lovefool

New Lyrics

Deathly Duo

Saturday night ball,
Laughter in the spotlight
They don't know it,
Having such a good time,
Danger that waits ahead....
Look it's a bomb,
There in the field,
Almost a fireball,
All that they desire,
To watch the world burn,
So get out of their way....
Bullets roar,
Shattered within the glass,
Please, make them go away,
Nothing we can do,
Never forget their black coats....

New Lyrics

No Emerald Eyes

Eyes tell a tale of old fires
All the eyes; the eyes of jade.
Jealous words to the Sapphires.
They are gone, the undoing of a soul
Eyes through a phantom's hate
Sick of struggles and tears
That destroy dismal souls
Bitter as waves crashing
The eyes ruin peace
Sapphire skies; they are beautiful
Not the Emerald Eyes....
Sets of approaching suns speak,
Envy greener for the Mays
Too green to be true they aren't real
The eyes ugly and vile
See heartbreak in every form
Mean like a twister
On its mission of destruction
Azure beauty steals your breath,
Not Emerald Eyes
The eyes he gave, father can mistake
Why he did that, no one knows
They lose their purpose and place
To furrow from the sockets
Lost and gone from them
From a nightmare they cannot wake
Always disgusted by the same irises
No Emerald Eyes

New Lyrics

While I'm driving,
I look over to my right.
I see you, sitting there,
Smiling at me,
Then place your hand,
Gently on my thigh.
"Dork," you flirt with a grin,
As I look ahead, driving on.
I can see you over there,
Through the corner of my eye,
Looking over at me....

Where have you been, all my life?
Where were you,
When I walked those brutal halls,
Where were you,
All the nights I cried myself to sleep?
I know....you were right here.

While I lay across your bed,
I turn to see you behind me,
Trying to get me to look at the tv.
You look downward to me,
Our eyes meeting with smiles and laughter,
Before your arms cuddle me....

Where have you been,
all my life?
Where were you, when my heart was bleeding?
Where were you,
During all those cold and lonely nights?
I know....you were right here;
I just didn't know you yet....

While you're driving,
I look over to my left.
I see you, sitting there,
Smiling at me.
Then I place my hand,
Gently on your thigh.
"Goober," you say with a grin,
As I look ahead, riding on.
You can see me over there,
Through the corner of your eye,
Looking over at you....

Where have you been?
You've always been here,
Practically in my back yard.
Always there, a text message,
or email away.
You've lifted my spirit,
and have helped me see
Not every man is evil,
Not every man will hurt me.
I wish I could lift your spirit,
I wish I could help you see....
Not every woman is evil,
Not every woman will hurt you....

Random Thoughts: Music and Writing

As someone who enjoys writing as a hobby, I am constantly bombarded with so many thoughts and ideas that race through my mind, I have trouble keeping track of it all.  Sometimes, it can get pretty overwhelming to the point of causing some anxiety.  It isn't that Earth shattering kind of anxiety that cripples you for days, but it can get one stressed out enough to the point of pulling their hair out because all these thoughts and ideas have no temporary home to go to before they're permanently adopted into their prospective stories.  Even with note taking and making record of thoughts you have, things you observe, and everyday inspiration that comes in many forms (including people you know, or total strangers on the street) the pressure one puts on themselves to create "the perfect story" (correctly) can almost cause the writer to cave by giving up.  I will never give up, but it's frustrating to me because I know the prefect story is dwelling within me somewhere, aching to be told; screaming to be heard.  I just can't find the words....

There exists....a story in me, wanting to tell about everything.  Everything in the realm of imaginative storytelling that could ever exist, all rolled into one: life, death, happiness, sadness, jealousy, murder, anger, rape. The joys of true love, the sorrows of heartbreak, the pains of unrequited love.  Marriage, divorce, sexuality, heaven, hell, Marijuana.  This is literally one list that could go on and on; the recipe for a perfect story, and how the characters in this story would handle these joys and hardships as they befall on them.

I try many different things to help get my creative juices flowing.  I can't speak for other writers, but I can say that music is a very powerful tool that can sometimes help bust down the cemented prison walls of writer's block.  The prison of writer's block has no bars.  When you're in this prison cell, you're locked in, all alone, banging to get out.
Music can help open the imagination in different ways.  Depending on the song that's playing, and what emotions are flowing through a writer's mind....there's a whole other world that can open up to a writer by hearing a certain song.  I'll share a personal example....

There's a certain song that I really love.  I'm not going to say what it is.  I'm going to describe it, as well as emotions I feel as I hear it (yes, it's playing on WMP, as I'm writing).

It's a love song, unlike any other I've ever heard.  It tells of a beautiful woman, too good to be true, and a man's attraction to her.  This woman is unable to fall in love for whatever reason (again, not tellin lol) but in this man's mind....he can, and will love her for a time.  He doesn't care why she can't love.  He holds on to the fantasy of her; the idea of her, and that in his fantasy, he not only loves her....but she in return, loves him back.  It's a slow song, perfect for that special dance with that one person in life you feel that deep, strong connection with.
When I hear this song, I feel happiness and joy, to an extent.  Yet at the same time, a certain melancholia because we all crave that special bond with another person of the opposite sex.  That special bond that only you and that other person feel.  What can be melancholy about these special bonds is that some never will experience them, for whatever reasons.

It's this song that opens my imagination to a scene on the balcony of a man's home, outside of his master bedroom.  He's a single man, lives alone.  It's a clear night. The moon is radiant, the stars are twinkling above.  The moon's dimly lit radiance makes a young woman's face shine with a certain glowing, celestial, angelic beauty about her.  Her make up is on, she's dressed up.  She's standing out there on the balcony, against the banister that goes all the way around this part of the roof of the house, encasing her in what could be another room, in and of itself.  She sips on a glass of sweet Champagne as her companion joins her, bearing a single red rose.  Her silky hair falls down the sides of her shoulders like a waterfall cascading down the sides of a lonely Colorado mountain.  Her companion is beside himself with feelings of absolute closeness, and how much he wants to be with her.  He has nothing but the up most respect for her, as she does for him.
He then takes her in his arms, and begins to slow dance with her.  At first, he places her head on his chest.  He takes in every scent of her; as they gently sway, back and forth to the music.  The scent of her hair makes him think of spring time flowers; her perfume makes him think of a diamond ring, sparking in the sun.  He has never been in the company of such a genuine, down to Earth lady before. She has never been in the company of a gentle, truly passionate man before; one who knows how to treat a woman, and knows how to make her feel: beautiful, wanted, important, and special.  Most of the men from her past all hurt her, in one way or another.  Oh, the tears she has cried, because of those bastards....
Being alone with him, in this moment in time, she doesn't know heartache.  It's safe to say, that in a sense....she forgot how to cry.
At one point, his masculine red blood tries to get the better of him.  He tries to pry, but quickly restrains himself in such self control that surprises her.
"You don't want to kiss me?"  She asks.
"Of course I do."
"I can't help, but be a little confused," she sort of, nervously confesses, as she lightly bites the sides of her lips.
"I know.  Don't be confused.  Everything is okay.  You're an amazing woman, and you're here with me.  I want to enjoy your company; I want to enjoy YOU," he confesses, before slowly placing her head back down on his chest.  Her eyes slowly shut, as a lone tear begins to slowly trace down her cheek.  She takes a deep breath and exhales, as a smile slowly emerges....


I encourage any writers out there to try this.  Pick a song you love, and let your imagination go. Music and writing can tie in together, all the time.