Below, please find a fictional (well, not really, it was culled together from actual conversations that I’ve actually had with people over the years) account of just why I’ve kept Butt Trumpet in hiatus lately. Please enjoy this discourse:
Fan: Hey Thom, come to our town and play! I’ve been your biggest fan for years and years and would love to see you live!
Thom: Well, we have a new EP out. Maybe you could support us. We have kick ass new t-shirts too and stuff. That would help a LOT to make a tour possible…
Fan: Oh wow, I never read your page! I didn’t know! So tour and come play here man!!
Thom: Well, to do that I have to be able to keep the band alive long enough to actually get there and back. Unfortunately, the members of my band are human, and thus they need stuff like food and shelter. The van also needs gas which ain’t cheap.
So tell me, will you support Butt Trumpet by maybe picking up a copy of the new EP or perhaps a t-shirt or something so that we can get the band fund saved up to actually tour and to get there?
Fan: Nah, I’m broke.
Thom: Are you drunk right now?
Fan: Hell yeah!
Thom: Are you stoned right now?
Fan: Hell yeah!
Thom: And you found the money to pay for THAT right?
Fan: Well, uh….
Thom: So basically you’re just a fucking drunken, stoned TARD who doesn’t have the faintest clue that an honest punk rock band can’t do JACK SHIT without the support of their fans?
Fan: I… uhhh…. (takes a hit off a bong). Well, kinda…
Thom: How about this… why don’t we tour off of the money that we can make sucking corporate dick? Would that make you happy if we sold out, because you can get drunk, get stoned and have a nice crappy sell-out, corporate version of Butt Trumpet to listen to. After all, what’s more important, artistic integrity — or — you getting to see us for free?
Fan: Well don’t you play free shows sometimes?
Thom: Every chance we get, actually. That’s not the point. We’ve invested our life savings into making high quality merchandise for you, as well as a brand new recording that people have been begging us for for years and years.
IF you want us to tour and play in your town, you have to help make that happen by supporting us because without you our only other option is to suck corporate pole, and well, we just won’t do that. Again, we have integrity.
Fan: Most bands suck anyway. They are all clones of each other.
Thom: That’s because so-called “fans” aren’t supporting the good bands with their wallets. Thus, those bands can’t afford to stay together, pay for recordings, make those recordings, buy the gear they need, buy the gas to tour, buy food to eat and stay healthy on the road, etc. etc. They can’t be HEARD because they cannot afford to put anything out there. They certainly can’t afford to tour for free. So what you get is a constant dose of sell-out, “suit sponsored” generic bullshit to listen to.
You don’t believe me? Leave your house right now. Leave your wallet at home–all of your money, leave it at home. Now go try to travel the country. Let me know how it goes for you, I’m curious.
Fan: It’s not my problem, I’m just one person!
Thom: You’re right, it’s not your problem: it’s your FAULT.
The scene sucks because YOU ARE IT.
Fan: But I (takes another toke) umm… oh fuck it, you’re just an asshole.
Thom: Ahhh yes, the convenient way to label me. Makes a great excuse to stay drunk, stupid and lazy. Anything but getting off of your ass and helping to nurture your scene right?
Honest bands can barely exist in the world today thanks to so-called fans like you.
Fan: So does that mean you’re not going to come and play in my town?
Thom: Sorry, but you can pay for your own entertainment. You obviously do when you find the money for your chemical entartainment. I’ll only take this band places where we’re appreciated.
Enjoy your high, asshole.
(After all, I have an entire new FULL LENGTH ALBUM recorded that is ready to release AND have been sitting on a double 10″ pressing (already mastered, just needs to be manufactured) of “Primitive Enema” that was prepped at A&M studios and cut at the infamous K-Disc… among other things… and have yet to find HONEST help to get this stuff out. By honest, I mean by someone who doesn’t just want to rip me and the band’s legacy off for their own profit or gain without any regard to the integrity of the project itself. Sorry, but I am no sell out. I won’t do it unless it can be done with integrity. Anyway, whatever.)